By Jamie Barone
There was a time in my life when I would not speak up for myself. In fact, this was most of my life. I use the word “would,” because I certainly “could,” it was all there inside of me, awaiting articulation, acceptance, and respect. But, there was always some form of punishment for even “attempting” to speak up, to express my feelings, my likes or dislikes, my wishes and dreams, desires, visions–anything I would try to express was met with punishment, ridicule or belittlement. And it didn’t take long for fear to make an appearance, attaching itself to my ability to articulate the many beautiful, deeply profound feelings swimming inside of my every cell.
Yes, this was my life… from birth… until recently (some of you know this about me, most of you don’t). I have since gifted myself with the freedom to express myself in any way that I am needing or wishing to do so, respectfully.
There was also a time as I grew older, when I found certain aspects of spirituality to profoundly resonate with me, as I was born having the most beautiful relationship with God as I know God to be. But, one of the most disturbing patterns I began to notice in many spiritual practices was that, in the practice of surrender, of letting go of attachments, in effort to make sure we do not try to enforce our beliefs, feelings, etc., upon others, this also meant, “not speaking up.” You see, to do so meant that this was an attempt to regulate or control, to impose our will on others–even if another’s actions included us.
And here again was the message that it is not okay to “speak up.”
Well, I have since learned to “surrender” the beliefs and teachings of others, and to follow the guidance of my own soul… the beautiful, gentle whisper of God in me, who Lovingly guides me in the direction for my highest good. I no longer follow ANY spiritual group or belief… I remain unattached to any belief, and remain completely open to ALL infinite possibilities of truth.
If something feels wonderful and beautiful to me, I say so. And if something feels simply awful and does not resonate with me… guess what? I say so. And I adjust my own life accordingly, without ever asking someone else to change a thing.
This has been a work in progress for me, and a very beautifully healing journey at that. I am definitely a work in progress. Quite the journey… indeed.
Thank you for listening… you have no idea what it means to me.
And I Love you ALL.